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yeaah [06 Feb 2005|05:35pm]
im sick of life, i want vaction, a change, something not this...i guess i have to wait till im done school...then i can go anywhere..the only problem with that is the masters degree and NP school...i guess i can go to school anywhere the only thing is that i see penn and drexel as being such highly reputable schools so i want to stay here to go to them....for free....i think i just need like a 2 week vaction...yeah thatd be nice...by myself for a week...and then someone can come for the second week...i want my own room
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I take it all back [26 Jan 2005|10:41am]
oh man school is hard!
i have midterms next week, i had five things due today two of which were 16 pages long. ive had to read so much of my adult 1 book i reached page 2000, made a 55 page study guide for one friggin class. my ass hurts because all i can do is sit and study. and ontop of all that i had to wipe someones ass...i think when im done with this program im going to med school...maybe ill be a psychatrist
mental health is the only thing so far that ive found interesting enough, eveything else gets boring with in two hours.
i have to go out tonight because my brain is so fried and i dont think i can absorb any more information unless i get drunk and dance my ass off...i havent been out in two weeks...so kill me
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what's with kitties and toilets [23 Nov 2004|02:17pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

tomorrow is the biggest party night of the year...yeah...

im done school till monday...this break is nice..allthough im working every day...and have lots of homework that i made for myself to do...

but you know what I LOVE HOMEWORK...seriously...i cant sit still and not be doing something for school. i try sometimes, but it just doesnt work...even when im drinking...i did a physical assessment on brian..my baby's so nice..

not too too much going on..school and work is about it..i been going out with lisa on one of the weekend nights...we go drink...allthough now that my funds are severly dried up i couldnt go last weekend. but im going out wed..i recently came into money and i saved some from the weekend so i could go out tomorrow.

i know what i want to get everyone for christmas and it looks like i can do all my shoppin on the internet..and thats good...im still waiting for my refund check and considering the quater is over in oh about three weeks..i think i can redirect some to holiday shoppin...i only have 4 or 5 people to hit so not a big deal.

my birthday is in a week or two..ill be the big 2 3.

i got all my projects done...so all i pretty much have to do is keep up with the reading and start studying for finals..im gonna rock the shit out of those bad boys

had my first patient last week...it went well...except for the getting up at 430am..im good at care plans cause i can work a smart goal.

oooh ooooh oooh...lisas taking me to stay at a casino when i get done school...she made my christmas wish of a mini vactation come true..and my sister got me a massage...

i really gotta go clean my room now...laundry definatly needs to be done

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HEY BOOOOYYYYSSSS!!!!! [22 Oct 2004|06:06pm]
[ mood | optimistic ]

Ha! I learned to put tubes in holes where you never want tubes to go. It really was not a pleasant experience. I was the only person that was concerned about the pain that we will inflict on these poor susceptible patients. I will be calling the doctor every time for the medicated lubricant dont worry, or hopefully they'll have a spinal cord injury or they'll already be knocked out. I had to learn to do it to girls too...it was gross....or how im supposed to insert my finger into someones ass and pull bits of poo out...im beginning to think this nurse gig aint all its cracked up to be.

but seriously Ive been crazy busy with all the work...which is good cause i love homework. I have midterms this week. I called out of work today and decided to put in my two weeks...im more just working when i want to and its not very cool

I like the holistic perspective that they are giving us on dealing with patients. I could do that....you know coach to a better life. Ive never had a nurse do any of the things that were learning but hey....Its tough though...

allright gotta go get dinner with josh kim brynn and brian and then finsh outlining the one text, finish the notecards for the other and study for my two big tests on mon and tuesday....

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It's hard to remember, it's hard to remember we're alive for the first time [20 Sep 2004|11:50am]
so i think im still hungover....yes thats three days of waking up drunk...

i have no idea how i used to do this on a daily basis...no clue

so we'll start with friday...i worked, then had to rush to west chester to get certified in CPR...where i am now required by law to breath life into you if i see that you are not doing it by yourself...see i might be a valuable asset to have around...so then i came home around 10...made some food..then got bored and thirsty so i decided to go to old state...by myself...yeah whatever im a loser...lisa and brian were of course working on my night off....but i was only gonna go for an hour till brian got home...but i ended up sitting there for an hour by myself nursing my beer and not smoking...can you belive it...ive smoked like 4 cigarettes all week...and that was only during my party. ...but then my mom comes in...and for 30 min of this hour theres this real drunk guy across the bar yelling to the old man sitting next to me that he should have my number...and then the now bartender who i dont know starts trying to protect me...then my mom comes and knows the old man sitting next to me...then like 5 min after she sits down i see mark's tall skinny self walk into the bathroom...so i know that ill have someone good to talk to...

plus even if he is my ex boyfriend

i feel totally bad like i ripped the kids heart out cause a week after he told me he loved me i broke up with him on the phone while driving to craigs saying that i dont want a boyfriend and then the next time he sees me im coincidentally with the same guy that i am with now. and i always feel stupid for thinking this cause really he could be like dont flatter yourself jess i dont like you anymore...which i would totally belive but apparently this isnt how it works with boys and girls..or only in my boy girl reality is how stuff like this works...

he is one of my alltime favorite people...i havent seen him in a couple of months and the last time i did he rushed out of the bar as soon as i sat across from him with lisa..and the week before when i was talking to him he was telling me about moving to new york...so i thought that he moved away and i was never going to get to see him again...and that totally sucks cause i mean by being a girlfriend apparently your not supposed to hang out with your ex boyfriends even if you dont want them anymore...its just not what your supposed to do..so since i cant hang out with him...which is what i totally want to do because he always had something fun for us to do and pretty much introduced me to all the music that i listen to now....i can at least "run into him" at old state cause thats one of the three bars i go to and marks main bar.

but so anyway he showed up and sat next to me...which was good cause then i dont have to do the whole now i cant go talk to him cause he doesnt want to talk to me crap...and he ends up talking to my mom for an hour about people they know from the old state...marks 29 and has been an old state drinker ( i dont know how else to say it) going there since he was 18. which is about when my mom was going all the time...so then she starts talking and me and mark start talking apparently neither of us has done much but i know hes lying cause he always did stuff...he just never relly considered it doing stuff if you know what i mean...and then so we got kicked out of the bar...and i walked and he offered me a ride but i wanted to walk...so he walked me home and came inside..

now the whole real reason that i dumped mark wasnt because i didnt want a boyfriend...cause i did i wanted brian...pretty much the entire time i was with mark..i was wanting brian...but me and mark were only together like 4 months not a long time...but long enough..but in those four months neither of us met our parents or went into each others houses...which i found to be extremely strange..and all we ever did was get real drunk...i never told him this though..cause i thought it was rude..or weird..

so he came in and we hung out some more...then my mom was going to bed, he was leaving and i was going to brians and who i hadnt mentioned much this entire time...not because i want mark or anything like that but because i feel bad about how i broke up with mark..and so i told him im going to my boyfriends house and told him he couldnt not be my friend because i had a boyfriend and he asked me if it was the same guy and i said yes...and he said ok..and we pinky swore ..hugged .and we went our seperate ways.i guess that its ok if its the same guy just not if im sleeping wtih like ten guys...but that would make sense to me in my mentality so.

so my mom also invited him to my party...he said hed try to come...he didnt come but he left flowers and a card on the winshield of my car...which made me happy

so then my party was supposed to be saturday..the family party..but it was raining and my house is small so we moved it to sunday and just had my friend party on saturday night...i made a vegetable plate and chips and dip and cupcakes and my mom made meatball sandwhichs...and when everyone was eating i got pissed at not having more food for myself to eat cause all i got was some carrot sticks..but then i got real drunk i assume every one else was too...i know lisa was..and lisha ...cause lisha did her i miss you stuff which lisha gets lovey when she gets drunk and lisa did apparently too cause she told me mom that she loves me and my mom cant ruin my party and all this cause my mom does things like that...and dude lisa gave me 50$...how fucking cool is she man...bought me a textbook...and my mom got new carpets 2 weeks ago and there kinda white...and someone got mud on them...so lisa had to vacume my house at 2 am...and around 3 my sister came home with the jack lalane juicer...how fucking cool is she..which i wanted cause i really like carrot juice. but its too expensive to buy all the time....so we made juice at 3 am...meg and aaron came for a little while and meg graduated in summer when i did too and she just got a job at TV guide and she has her own cubicle. and jen and her boyfriend came...and brian sheridan came...i like him...he looks like he wouldnt be so nice but he is...but i already knew this from hanging out with him before but forgot or something...anyway...and apparently i was smashed...which im sure i was...i had at least 6 shots of tequilla which will fuck anyone up and a whole bunch of my cranberry and vodka drinks...i still have yet to see my baby fitshaced drunk...which i really want to see ...but he says he usually has to take care of something (or someone, usually being me) so thats why he doesnt drink that much...it was good...but man i was still drunk when i woke up the next day at 9am

which was sunday my party day...and everone was coming at 3 so i knew my mom wanted help...so i came home around ten...and at bread and spagetti sauce cause afeter seeing everyone eating the meatballs i wanted a meatball sandwich that wasnt once alive..so i had sauce ...then pased out till 12 and had a horrible hangover when i woke up...but went to acme got some stuff..and fake meatballs...and a coffee..a shot of expresso took a shower and was ok...so then we got everything ready and everyone came..i was not up for greating all these people...i had like 30 pictures taken of me from my dads dad..who i havent seen since i was 8 years old...thats 14 years...and all he gave me was 50$... me and my mom and aunt karin were very offended...if you missed 14 birthdays and christmass and i am now the first grandchild to graduate college...actually the first person on that side of the family to graduate college...come on now old man...i may have to do your iv someday ...and i saw my aunt linda..who i look just like...me and my sister...its kinda scary...and then just the regualr people for sunday dinner..
poor brian...hes not good at these things to begin with..he was real uncomfortable.
i told him for saturady when he was nervous..that i would attatch him to my hip to hed be ok..and saturday was fine because i wasnt uncomfortable...but then i was on sunday...so he was even more so..but we got through it....hes such a good sport...his entire weekend he had to spend here and it wasnt very relaxing...see this is why i love my baby...cause hes good to me...when he doenst want to be and does things he doesnt like to do...and he still likes me and doesnt make me feel bad...and still hugs me all night while we sleep.

and i got alot of money...for this semester...i feel a little bettercause i have some money...considering i cant work

speaking of work tuesdays my last day...maybe i havent decided...i want to work friday nights..but i dont know if i can yet and want off like 2 weeks to see but ralphs a dick and said no you need to be aviable when i need you to be available...so fuck him he can work 6 days a week for the next 6 weeks till he gets a manager..dick...but i cant tell him for sure because what if i have clinical of friday nights or something...

ahh anyway this is already way to long...there like ten thousand other things i could say but dont feel like typing
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were about to make the biggest change in our lives..... [11 Sep 2004|11:34am]
[ mood | good ]

i have a lot to tell about i guess...since im done school and i havent updated this

well i did it. I'm a college graduate...got my BA in human anthropology...i graduated on thursday...but it had orientation at drexel before it...so it was kinda weird...orientation at a new school and then going to my graduation. My all time favorite teacher at temple( the death and dying class) got her masters. the summer was rough...but i did it. lisa, brian, my nanny and pop, my aunt mary my dad my mom and my sister were all there..andthen afterwards my mom my aunt my dad and brian and i went to a bar and my mom opened a tab. man i drank so many cosmopolitans, i guess because i havent really been able to drink that much with all the work i had to do. then i had to go to orientation yesterday hung over...slightly..

so whatelse...i went to north carolina..it was great..ive still got my tan...all we did was go to the beach and read. i read three books..IN future of life, by E.O Wilson is my new favorite book..and then i read two other stupid girl books cause my goal is to read as many not required books as possible before school starts again...ive read three since ive gotten home too. um my uncle jimmy was there and he made us lattes for breakfast and the best dinners ever. it was nice

next friday is my last day at blockbuster...my five and a half year reign is over...thank god. im so glad i didnt get sucked into retail.

so this program at drexel...1/2 the class drops out.and its the fastest program in the country...i will do this ..it cost me 30000 dollars....and they will not get it for nothing...and if i dont have to work fucking anythings possible...plus the seven courses in 11 weeks was good prep for the 6 in 10 i have to take....its only 10 months and i got a job offer starting at 55,000. not including overtime, bonus time or shift differential...or the 85 ill be making once i get my masters which most places pay for. this is gonna be hard though...the campus is in center city, which i thought it was at main but its about 5 blocks from suburban station and theres no parking so ill be taking the train. i got my PDA yesterday...i have to play with it and download my resource things...

i didnt go to work last night....it was the last friday night shift at blockbuster ever and i didnt think i should have to...the thing that sucked though was the the power was out all day and i tried to call out but couldnt cause the phones didnt work so whatever...then i definatly wasnt working after that.

my party is next saturday (the 18th) it doesnt start till 8 cause i have to get rid off all the family that will be there ealier...but anyone who reads this and knows where i live is invited...and if its lame its not my fault. i tried to get lisa and brian to do it for me but they declined and ill do my best to throw myself a party but im absolutly horrible at celebrating myself so. but the more the merrier right ...and dont come if you intend on being an asshole...cause thats just not cool.

this is boring now

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If I had a millon dollars [03 Aug 2004|04:03pm]
[ mood | lazy ]

So ...Ive been doing homework so all the time or working that i think that i have forgotten how to communicate with people, i was gettin good there for a while, but im all shy again...lame
but i will be a college graduate next week so ill have a month off to learn how to talk again...maybe i can see some of those people that i used to talk to but then got a boyfriend and decided to devote my entire being to school for 6 months....
im looking forward to not have to think all the time...one plus side is that i think that i have become smater (ie testing and homework is easier), but again i forgot how to talk to. im sure this summer thing will help me a drexel cause i have six classes plus clinical there and i took 6 classes in the same time frame this summer so...plus i did really freakin well. it was definatly hard though, but i like the shorter classes better then the whole semester..

I went to the cure concert with lisa sarah alison and ralph on sunday...it was great...thursday was there..i didnt know they were supposed to be there.. them and the muse was way better then the cure..im not a big fan of new stuff...
the whole point of me going on this outing even though i had to stay home on saturday night doing homework and then get up early on sunday and still didnt finish it cause i had three papers due for 2 classes...does that make sense to you...no really...me either..so then i had to get up even early on mon after being out till 2 and finish them.
but anyway it was a good time...i shouldnt have spent all that money on alcohol, but the reason i went..see i got sidetracked, was because my life has been so non eventful i wanted to do something.. i havent gone anywhere but to old state in 6 weeks i needed something..
me and brian and who ever else wants to come are going to warped tour on friday...i think i just want more adventures so i got out of work ...i wanna see coheed and taking back sunday...and flogging molly if their there, brian says they are but he gets out less than i do so ill look into that.

he started at media on monday...he realized what a 8 hour shift really is and the fact that he now works 5 minutes from home. so he went home got bored and took a nap and then was bored all last night...the same thing will probably happen again today and the next day...until hes so bored hell go back to school...what the hell else are you going to do with all that free time.

i called him from school last night and put in my dinner order so it would be done when i got out of class... heh... i have the best boyfriend ever... of course it wasnt ready but i got done early and then had to wait like an hour cause i wanted a baked potato and they just wouldnt cook

on sunday before the cure, we went out to breakfast with josh kim and the baby...then him and josh went fishing and i wanted to go but i had more homework and had to go to the cure...and kim was going to south street to go shopping, so i woulda gone there too but homework.

one and a half more weeks and im done for a month and im going to NC and to florida and im going to the beach with lisa and the club..i have to go there

oh and i walk on sept 9 and then im having a party at somepoint.

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[21 Jul 2004|11:15pm]
four more weeks...thats it 4 more...its like a month..actually now its less than a month...oh my god have so much to do
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silently a whisper turns into a scream [18 Jul 2004|04:04am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

SO...im in one of those life appreciating moods again...i cant exacltly figure out how these manage to make me feel bad either...why should a person feel bad to be alive...

first a discalimer...this is not alcohol..ive had two drinks...one before dinner and one after so im not drunk..

but ive been wating to feel like this for such a long time..it feels like it gives my life more meaning...and for some reason i feel like an an idiot for feeling like this..i dont know...this is one of those ideas thats always in the back of my head but gets so clouded by my everyday responsibilities that i take it for granted. this is the main thing that kept me so happy last year..and its the main thing that keeps me going everyday ...at least i think..i mean i cant say for sure because im pretty content on where my life is right now....and so i try to think would i feel like this if my life wasnt going as planned....and i really think that i would...i have about a 3 person courseolad of homework due this week but i still feel like this..i work at a shitty job..drive a crappy car..but do i feel like this because im working towards something or because im graciaous be to alive.

honestly think for one second on how many people die a day who dont want to.... and for those of us who dont belive in an after life...does that give your life any more sense of meaning... does that make you appreciate anything more...

i personally think that when you die...you die.. and thats it... theres no heaven..no hell..no purgatory...no reincarnation...thats it..youve had your time...

and this is what makes me wake up every morning... sometimes its a challenege to be in a pleasant mood...but i just try to think that this is my life and this is what i do with it..

so why the hell do i feel so stupid right now for feeling like this
is it be because everyone else forgets this ...doesnt care to notice...or is too envolved in there on selfish world to take five seconds and realize what they have... id call it a gift but again...id feel stupid...

i keep trying to think of thousands of scenarios and how would i feel and i still would feel the same but its still like you can never really know unless youve experienced it

brian..whos been asleep for about 2 hours says that my classes are getting to my head too much...but i definatly recall feeling like this before...

i think i m really just sick of being wrapped up in my own world and would like a break and the fact that i know one is comming soon is making me think like this...on top of the fact that EVERY ONE around me is depressing and life always sucks...and come the fuck on and take one second to realize what you have to wake up to...even if its nothing but a shallow breathe its more then millions of people have

maybe im just in the wrong situation...which creates about a thousand more ideas spreading in my head...but really could i find anyone else who thinks likes this..

im gonna go do something better with my time at 430 am

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[04 Jul 2004|11:02am]
im bored so i stole this from alison

name: Jess
gender: im a girl
birthday: dec 2 1981
relationship status: i have the best boyfriend ever
nationality: mostly irish and a little german
occupation: well what pays me is blockbusters..been there for more then 5 years now...what i really do is go to school. i graduate in august with my BA in human biology which makes me a novice (cause its only a BA) in evolution. and in september im going to drexel for nursing. eventually i want to be a pediatric nurse practioner and who knows i may still go to med school. but right now i want a job that i consider real so i can get my own apartment.

_______What is your favorite_______
gum: the bubble gum at work i guess since i eat it all the time
restaurant: brian's kitchen...im really picky about what i eat and vegetarian so cooking for me is easeir then going out...plus im always more satisfied with what i make
drink: vodka and something
season: spring and fall...although summers growing on me ...i should get used to it if im gonna move to florida
type of weather: warm and sunny...but i am also a fan of the thunderstorms and cloudy days
thing to do on a half day: who the fuck gets half days. i dont....homework
late-night activity: watch movies with my baby and do homework
city: i dont have one...media cause i live here
store: im too poor to buy clothes and when i do its clearance at old navy...im a very boring dresser

_______When was the last time you_______
cried: 2 weeks ago when i was beyond stressed..its hard to breath with all these anxiety attacks
played a sport: im not a big sprt player..i run all the time but its not competitive
laughed: 10 min ago
hugged someone: 5 min ago
kissed someone: 5 min ago
felt overworked: 2 weeks ago..its about to start again though...but i had a mini vacation im ready

_______What was the last_______
word you said: wake up baby
thing you ate: spagetti
song you listened to: that brand new song
thing you drank: Water
place you went to: the beach with lisa
movie you saw: butterfly effect and that shit was good
movie you rented: butterfly effect and two others i work at blockbuster and so does my boyfriend so we rent 10 movies a week ...i watch maybe 2

_______Have you ever_______
danced in the rain: yes
done drugs: yes
drank alcohol: oh my god yes
partied 'til the sun came up: yeah...did that yesterday
had a movie marathon: no but i watch alot
spun until you were immensely dizzy: not a big fan of the dizzyness

_______Opposite sex_______
turn ons: smart good sense of humor, nice, intentions, brian
turn offs: boys who try to get in your pants ...they make me sick
do ur parents opinion on ur gf/bf matter to u?: actually yes....i wouldnt let my mom and my sister meet the last guy i dated cause i knew they woulnd like him. they met brian
what kinda hairstyle are u into?: dont really care
what is the sweetest thing a girl/guy can do for u?: still love me even when im having a bad day and in a bad mood
_______Picky picky_______
dog or cat: both i want a rotwiler
short or long hair: long i guess mine is
sunshine or rain: either
hugs or kisses: hugs and kisses
summer or winter: summer
written letters or e-mails: email...come on now if you dont write emails your assumed incompetant
playstation or nintendo: ps2
car or motorcycle: car
house party or club: house party or bar or club i like all social events when im intoxicated
sing or dance: dance

oh is that it...oh well whatever
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coming up for air [28 Jun 2004|10:01am]
tomorrows my last day of summer 1
im going to the beach with lisa hopefully on wed till sat..i was only gonna go thurs-sat but i decided that i have been working my ass of with this overload on courses and still working 32 hours a week

of course there is that 22000 tuition and a year of no work to remember

it feels like im a train and i just keep chugging along...its not just the motions because i know what im doing...i dont know...like im on a mission and nothings stopping me i guess..which i am so
i dont know this is what goes through my head on the 45 min drive to and from school

which is where im going now
i decided that since i have missed my micro class 1x and its at 815 and all i can do is close that impressive so i missed it today, i have a 98 and did all the reading last night and typed my notes

poor brian
he must feel ignored all the time
he really is the greatest boyfriend ever

to top it all off
this homie has been eluding us for over 6 months. but we got it saturday at the acme...go us
made our night
so we got drunk went played pool at old state and then skinny dipped in his pool thats in his complex
we had to jump the fence and everything..

yeah were hot

start summer 2 next week with 3 classes again
2 at temple and 1 math (oh jeez) class at dccc
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I didnt set the alarm [31 May 2004|04:39pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I didnt set the alarm for the past three days...three whole days i got to wake up with no alarm...when i wanted to...when my body said...three whole days...i really really needed that.

These past three days have been the only full days off that ive had since may 2nd. and im sure the only reason i took off may second was to study for a physiology test. it was either take off these three days or i was going to kill someone or pass out from exhaustion...all and all though i mangaged pretty well. i think...a month is a long time to go with out one whole day off. to always have one mandatory thing to do everyday...

so i finished last semester...not as good as i would have liked but im almost done...temple..at least...i have three classes to take and then i will be a college graduate...im taking 3 classes now for summer one...microbiology for nursing...spanish..one of the requirements and intro to computers for the nursing thing too....and then summer 2 i have eastern/western philosophy...death and dying...my last two requirments and statistics for nursing. i graduate august 27 and start at drexel in september for my BSN. i am happy as all hell to not have to deal with another anthropolgy class...i hate that subject...just because its not a real science doesnt mean everyone has to be an asshole...out of all the classes i took..i had one teacher who wasnt a dick..and go figure he was the head of the department..i learned more from him then anyone else and got an a in the class...everyone else felt the need to make everthing extremely difficult because it would seem more important that way i guess i dont know...but im glad to be done with it...now eveoltion is extremely interesting dont get me wrong and i find it fascinating how when and where and by what mechanisms we evolved from ...but lets face it theres not much critical thinking (its in the book, there arent many alternatives and only a few mathmatical problems) involved and trying to make it...only makes it confusing. but im done so...

can you tell school is my life...i dont mind at all really...i like school...its what i do...i like to learn...yes i get stressed sometimes but if you care about something your doing it will most likely cause you stress at some point in time...

im taking off the month of august. i dont exactly know what im going to do with myself...well i have classes till the 16..and we go on vacation the 21-28...so i have some idea...but all i know is that i dont want to start drexel and such a big commitment at all stressed out...i dont want to push myself too hard and end up not being able to do it...im already on overload for summer semesters so.

thats what im most afraid of is that im not going to be able to do it. allthough i think with the month off thing i will be able too...it takes me about 1 -2 weeks to unwind and the ill have another 2 weeks to enjoy it...besides i dont like taking too much time off...i feel useless.

aside from school ive been working ...blockbuster sucks...and im done in two fucking godawful months...our new manager sucks...other wise its fine...but ive got much better things going on than that shithole so i dont think about it all that much anymore...except for the new asshole shiftleader we got last week who is after 6 weeks of fulltime training is completly incompetant..doesnt even know about closing dutites...retard...other than that im just there work and try not to get too annoyed..

then theres my baby...with this new shcool schedual i dont get to see brian as nearly much as i used too...i only get to sleep over on weekends...and its usually saturday cause he close opens and i go out with lisa on friday and close saturday so we hardly get to see each other anymore...it really sucks...its cause i have class at 815 and have to get the train at 657 to be there on time so sleeping at home at a decent time is necessary plus i end up closing two-three nights during the week so i wouldnt get to see him anyway...its quite ridiculous how much we dont get to hang out anymore...but we do get some quality time in there sometimes ....so its ok...and in a year ill have much more time...assuming he can put up with me for a year of insanly intense school...i hope he can.

i finally got to hang out with lisa some nights cause she was off friday and so was i like 3 or somthing...we went to joclyns...it was eventful both times...we got real drunk...good times...

thats it now cause i gotta go take a shower and go to brians cause hes actually leaving work on time so we can hang out

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[19 Mar 2004|12:44pm]
do you drink// yes
`*..how many times have you been drunk// drunk..a whole freakin lot
`*..is your best friend a virgin// nah
`*..do you wear short shorts// yeah..when its hot enough
`*..how many people have you slept with// livejournal material...i think not
`*..do you get along with your mom// yeah
`*..how many guys have you kissed//i couldnt even tell you
`*..been so drunk you couldn't remember your name//my name no..their name yes
`*..do you have any eating disorders// i excersise complusivly
`*..piercings or tattoos// nope
`*..do you wear shirts that show your clevage// if i had cleavage
`*..ever wear shirts that show your belly button// absolutly not
`*..have you ever smoked//yes
`*..are you a regular smoker// yes
`*..do you have any kids// no
`*..do you think you could be pregnant// i dont think so..but some guy told me on the train that i was...he was drunk and i witnessed him drinking for over 18 hours...but kinda freaked me out....i hope he didnt mean i look pregnant cause now i have to workout
`*..ever find yourself wishing to poke people with sticks//in cages maybe
`*..ever taped your nose to your face// nope
*..do you wish you could live in another realm// thats stupid
`*..have you ever ran in circles like an elf//hows an elf run
`*..do you pick your nose for a living// thats dumb
`*..do you fart in public// so is this one
`*..do you pick wedgies in public// you know you try ot make it as inconspiuous as possible
`*..what's your view on religion// i dont have one
`*..ever stop to smell the roses//everytime
`*..what about wake up and smell the coffee// when its made yeah...but normally im the one that makes it
`*..can you smell// pretty sure
`*..gotten so drunk you didn't know where you were// yeah i have done that one

`*..what is the most common question you get asked// how are you
`*..your usual response// good and you
`*..what's your natural hair color//dirty blonde
`*..eye color// green hazel blue
`*..how tall are you without shoes// 5' 6
`*..favorite colors// pink and green
`*.what's your highest level of education// i according to plans will graduate this summer with my BA
`*..how many surveys have you taken// alot
`*..do you have any siblings// yes
`*..if yes how many// 1 sister
`*..do you have any pets// yes
`*..if yes, what kind// i cat named purrbot
`*..what's your sexual prefrence// i love my baby...hes my only sexual preference..yeah
`*..do you agree that men are little boys in men's bodies// yeah...thats why girls dont date younger guys...cause there stupid enough when there three years older
`*..do you have your own site// no
`*..do you sleep with clothes on//an old worn in shirt

`*..favorite band// at the moment? modest mouse
`*..favorite song// at the moment? alot
`*..what song most describes you// no clue
`*..what song shows how you feel about your best friend//no clue
`*..what song makes you cry// no clue
`*..what song describes your love life// i dont know
`*..what song describes your happiest moment//this parts stupd
`*..what song describes your worst moment//
`*..what song describes life for you//
`*..what song describes your feelings for your enemy//
`*..what's your one favorite lyric//
`*..what lyric reminds you of an exlover//
`*..what lyrics do you want the world to hear//

..and some repeated..
`*..eaten a box of oreos// probably half
`*..been on stage// yeah..in second grade
`*..dumped someone// yeah
`*..gotten in a car accident// yeah
`*..been in love// yes

`*..coffee or hot chocolate// coffee
`*..neve campbell or jennifer love hewitt// neither
`*..tom cruise or brad pitt// brad pitt
`*..jeans or cords// jeans
`*..sweater or sweatshirt// hoodie! yeah im gonna go with sarah
`*..t-shirt or tanktop// tshirt

`*..cried// no
`*..helped someone// i worked last night so i guess
`*..bought something// oatmeal and condensed milk
`*..gotten sick// nope
`*..gone to the movies// nope...rented movies...yeah
`*..said i love you// yes
`*..written a letter// nope
`*..moved on// hmm im always back there somewhere
`*..talked to an ex// nope
`*..missed an ex// nope...did realize, thanks to lisha, i completely forgot that his birthday just passed though...
`*..talked to a crush// my baby
`*..had a serious talk// me and lisha talked for hours...i dont know if they were serious
`*..missed someone// yes...brians in florida..i came home on monday and hes still there...he comes home somtime tomorrow night...i definatly miss him
`*..hugged someone// no...see why i miss him
`*..fought with your parents// no
`*..fought with a friend// no

`*..wear eye shadow// yes
`*..put on a 'front'// yeah im a bad ass
`*..kiss on the first date// yes
`*..have a crush on someone// my baby
`*..eat with your mouth open// no
`*..color is the carpet in your room// wood
`*..the last CD you bought// deathcab for cutie

`*..how did you spend last summer// wasted
`*..when's the last time you showered// yesterday
`*..are you lonely// yeah cause brians in florida...no not really...
`*..are you happy// yeah
`*..are you wearing pajamas// yeah
`*..are you talking to someone online// no
`*..what's your astrological sign// sagittarius
`*..what are you listening or watching right now// nada

i do have a lot to talk about. cause me and brian took a road trip to florida last week to see his family but my spring break ended and hes still on vacation....its was a whole lot of fun but now im sick of sitting here so maybe later
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stuck in the middle with you [18 Feb 2004|12:22pm]
i havent updated this in a long time...man ive been so busy im surprised i can keep myself updated...my life since jan 20 has consisted of school running and brian...ive seen lisa about 4 times...but really i get up get the train go to class get on the subway go to more classes and go home run and go to brians...come home sleep and do it all again the next day...ive had a test in every class this week and a paper due..i want a drink so bad but i have way too much to do....i studied for my physiology test for 11 hours...11 freaking hours...i think a did ok though...the teacher said 45-50% of the class fail the first test...i get my grade tomorrow...to find out if i have to start going to lecture...

I have my grad review on friday which i will then make my decision on when i go to drexel...sept or march....i dont know yet...

me lisa brian and kyle from work went to the old state one night...i was smashed in like a hour...thats what a i get for having three shots of tequilla and three beers...i was totally missing the dart board...it was a shame...and then kyle came back to brians and we played scattagories...1/2 way through it i was too drunk to think of things...

his birthday was 2 weeks ago...i got him a lot of stuff...if you give me a reason to shop...man i just dont stop....and made him dinner....i got him 110 pound weight set cause hes been talking about it for months...and i had to get the sales guy to put it in my car...and then i tried real hard to slide it into a bag but i couldnt and i had to get him to carry it up the steps...so much for that secret...he liked it though...cut it open and took eveything out...it was cute

he started training for store manager two weeks ago...he has to drive all the way to north philly everyday...oh wait so do i...but i dont think its as bad as he thought and he got good grades so far...in two weeks he has to make a presentation about some busniess thing....he still better get his ass back in school...cause blockbuster is a shitty place to work....i really hope he goes back

last weekend was valentines day...i had to open and he was supposed to close but he didnt go to his class...so we got to hang out that night....he sent me roses to work...i felt all sorts of special...and then he gave me a box of chocolate...and i was really hungry so i didnt want candy and he was like you have to have some so he started eating it for me...and then there was a little black box with a emerald and diamond ring in it for me....it was very very cute...this is my first real jewlery..i gave him a box i decorated with magic cards and filled with his favorite stuff...movies...homies...palermos...magic cards...i forget and i got him a hoodie from neighborhoodies...which he wheres and i think is so cute....so it being 1030 at night by the time i got over there and presents were done...we went got pizza and beer and watched matchstick men....a lovely evening with my baby.

i started taking the train to school...cause on tuesday i have to go to center city and its hard to find a parking spot and it forces me to study for an hour...i like it much better then driving though

work sucks...whats new...i may have to take 5 classes over the summer 3 to graduate and 2 for drexel but i will do what ever i have to to get out of that shithole sooner...we got some new people finally
brian hughes doesnt work at media anymore but no one wants to work at aston so im stuck there...
and over spring break i have some externship thing for credit at temple hospital...
i guess nothing interesting really has been happening...i go to school everyday...work three days a week and watch movies...i dont have time or money to do anything else...
i really miss lisa though...shes working all the time too and i swear her and brian have revolving scheduals and if im closing she isnt and blah blah...and i cant even go out on the weekends cause i have so much homework....i havent takin 5 classes in a long time....there are pretty good though except for statisitcs..but its me thats math so thats a given...i got child development, A+P and social psychology and primate behavior.....so at least interesting while i do 4 hours of homework a day..

i gotta go eat before class now...
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i felt like answering some questions [01 Jan 2004|07:29pm]
1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before? lots of stuff...too much to even realize...something everyday im sure

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? i dont know what mine was last year...this year...i really think its gonna be not to drink so much...

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? no

4. Did anyone close to you die? eric died last december

5. What countries did you visit? are you serious..i went to florida

6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003? more time for school

7. What date(s) from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? i remeber times...last jan was the last time me and jay hung out...i met mark a week before we went to florida...i started going to craigs on a regular basis about march...transfered stores in may, when i met brian..i got a new car the end of june...brian moved into his apartment on aug 31..and we kissed a couple of days later...and the first couple of sundays we went to the art museum and the beach...

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
going to temple
getting into drexel
falling in love. that was an achievement considering the string of pointless relationships i had...

9. What was your biggest failure?
i drank waaaay too much

10. Did you suffer any illness or injury?i hurt my ankle, nothing major

11. What was the best thing you bought? my car i guess..material items dont really do it for me

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? everyones

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
some customers at aston...i got called stupid on christmas eve...fuckin brian hughes...dick

14. Where did most of your money go? on useless space consuming crap...and food...and alcohol

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? how fun summer was...going to florida...hanging out with brian

16. What song will always remind you of 2003?
theres wayy too many

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? happier
ii. thinner or fatter? i dont want to think about it
iii. richer or poorer? i think richer, but i could be wrong

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
more things...i didnt have time to go out and do stuff

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? drinking

20. How will you be spending Christmas? um...i slept over brians..we opened presents, he went to work, i came home we opened presents, went to nannys...i went back to brians

22. Did you fall in love in 2003? yeah BABY!

23. How many one-night stands? one

24. What was your favorite TV program? six feet under, ER of course

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? brian from media

26. What was the best book you read? i read alot of stuff for my racial justice class

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? appleseed cast, XPN, death cab, a bunch of other stuff

28. What did you want and get? salvadore dali puzzel

29. What did you want and not get? i didnt really want anything, my perfume

30. What was your favorite film of this year? i watch alot of movies..come one now

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
i turned 22...we went to the cheesecake factory...

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? not feeling like i have so much to do ..i guess getting more accomplished..i should work on that

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003? i wore accessorizing belts and braclets

34. What kept you sane? knowing how small and insignificant everything really is, including myself...and trees..oh and running

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? huh

36. What political issue stirred you the most? money

37. Who did you miss? bill...and eric

38. Who was the best new person you met? brian kelley!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003: to not be selfish, and everythings insignificant

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: i cant think of one...these questions really make you think
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fumbling to make contact....we learned how our bodies worked [28 Dec 2003|11:08pm]
[ mood | happy ]

wow...a whole lot has been going on...ive been real busy....

everything has been going extremely well, which makes me afraid to admit it because then something has to go wrong...so well but im still thinking something will have to mess up

schools done for this semester. i got accepted into drexels advanced nursing thing...i dont know how i keep doing these things..there is one catch though...i have to graduate by september...now this is possible, provided i go to both summer semesters and can get all the classes i need...now this whole classes deal happened last time and i got everything i needed at the last minute and it was pretty much the same people in all of my classes..but this whole checking all the time is making me nervous...i dont know how i got into drexel..i can not figure it out..then theres also the doing it..its like an intense year of school...but i dont have to work and its all i have to do..and i really, really (like as in if i dont get a a more fullfilling job, even if being a nurse sucks and blah blah, my head is going to explode) want to do it.

work sucks...but ive been looking for another job..prefereably not retail but ill take it if it pays as well...i got a job as a home health aide but it sucked and wasnt enough money, and i didnt get paid for driving...i made a resume...like my first real resume...ive had to because ive had the same job for almost 5 years now....but i hate it im miserable i dread going there more then anything, well or its the least enjoyable thing in my life right now

brian...if fucking awesome...hes the greatest boy on the face of the planet...now i really dont know how i got this..but im not complaining...i watch alot more movies...and i eat green olives now...we play magic when it doesnt make me tired..i talk shit some times..its funny...the other night i boosted this guy to like 18...and you start with 20...i felt all good....and he makes me smile even when hes not around...

my mom got engaged did i ever say that...hank got her a huge diamond ring...and its so pretty and big and shiny...i dont exactly know whats going on i dont know....
kinda makes me wanna move out...thats also fueling the better job function...i i will not live on blockbusters pay check

thanksgiving was good...i ate a whole lot..i may not of had to work...i cant remember..i didnt have to work christmas..the first christmas in 4 years...

speaking of christmas...that was fucking awesome too...brian got a tree and we decorated it..i made ornaments with glitter..he painted me a bug..and made a stocking one with my name on it...and it had green and white lights, with red and silver balls...and them other real cool lights the ones that look like candles. he got me a salvadore dali puzzle...ive wanted on for years!!!!!and he put nips and the almonds i eat in my stocking..i definatly cooked him a big christmas dinner..i sent him old 97's tickets in a christmas card

christmas here was good too...my mom didnt put up the tree till christmas eve...but its huge...and like the entire living room was filled with presents..or at least 1/2...the whole day when my mom was cooking all this food and doing all this stuff..just like the night before too...she cleaned at 2 am...she kept bitching about commercializm and how next years shes boycotting christmas....guess who really like having the biggest pile of presents....there was one point of the night when i was cooking and she was running around that i said something and i sounded exactly like her...it was really funny...my sister got me a lot of really great stuff like really awesome presents...i got her a fred perry sweater and scarf and some pants that she exhanged for cds...i got alot of clothes ....and on christmas for nannys me and my sister wore the same pants and she had the same shirt on but she changed....

nannys was so fun...there were so many people there cause my aunt judy and her 5 kids were all there and everyone else brought friends..on top of the 15 regulars...you could hardly walk around...and we watched old movies...we dont ever do things like that...i wanted to know what nanny and pop used to look like...so there were some when my mom was about a year old...and one from 84 right when my sister was born, she was just a little baby...we were all playing around on the sidewalk in bathing suits..and i never got to see my pop cause he was always holding the camera....we got lots of pictures too...

i got five new cd's and i got more of those ..shit on my birthday...forgot about that..i turned 22...my mom mad me the cake i wanted cause she was going away...she made me a strawberry shortcake with chocolate covered strawberries...and i got death cab for cutie and appleseed cast..and other cds...dismemberment plan ..um 2 modest mouses...travis..blur...perfect circle...lamb...howie
day..brian got flogging molly and i really liked that...and my mom joined the cd of the month club for me for xpn...and my gift is the matt nathansen cd...i still want alexi murdock and steadman too....i got some other deep elm ones but i cant remeber prolly havent had time to listen to them yet...

um ive been running all the time still..and yoga...which is good cause some boyfriends make you lazy..and ive been doing alot of arts and crafts..ive been trying to figure it out..but brian got more of it then i did...

oh yeah!!!! me and brian are going to stomp on saturday..im so excited and i really wanna see it...and i got a real cute dress and shoes that lace up my ankle...but there like ballerina shoes...ive always wanted those too...

k im done now

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wow how time flies [15 Dec 2003|07:54pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

damn i really need to update this...i been real busy..and its finals week..oh how much f'n fun....i hate anthropology but its only like one more semester and then i get to go to drexel...and not have to work for 11 months..i wonder how ill deal with that..allright ill update this thing soon...but i gotta go do my genetics

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the cloned edible cows..... [02 Nov 2003|05:50pm]
[ mood | happy ]

so what to discuss..havent updated in a while...ive been working and schooling and brianing..that was lame...
work sucks again and i went down to three days a week and then after being so allright with that place i decided to go back up to 4...big mistake last sunday we had no power to just the front of the store until 330...f that....but theres also no way i can live on 3 days aweek...well i have a shopping problem that gets addressed and i like dressing it..heh

it was halloween on friday i wore a farmer costume to work and for brians party i wore my nurse costume...it was cute...the party was fun..we played drinking jenga and i made brian and sarah stick candy corn up their noses...(this is lisas brian...not mine) we went to some other pary first and that was pretty cool but we didnt stay long so i didnt do much but try to not get lost...they had calliflower in red liquid and it looked like a brain...

schools good i have 10 weeks left and i want a's ..it looks possible except in my phiosophy of biology class...im not good a public speaking and thats what we have to do...and im all about muscles and bones and stuff...anatomy is fun i get all into making my notecards and stuff...

ive been hanging out with brian alot...like pretty much everyday..its very convienent having him live like 2 blocks away...we carved pumpkins and he made me spagetti at 430 cause i was hungry...i got him lights to hang up and decorate his house for halloween...he makes me very stupid..ridiculous kinda stupid...

i sprained my ankle two weeks ago but i think its finely better well at least i can go running again..i went to the park yesterday and there was like a whole patch of trees that turned hot pink for autum...how cool is that a hot pink forest...

and thats what im gonna do now...and then its time for tree house of horror!

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[10 Oct 2003|09:01am]
[ mood | confused ]

01. Cried: um...no
02. Bought something: cigarettes and a snickers pumpkin...i love halloween
03. Gotten sick: not yet...did hurt my ankle though
04. Sang: i tried to sing yesterday in the car but my speakers suck
05. Eaten: i would hope that in the last 48 hours people would have eaten and yeah i did
06. Been kissed: yeah...like 20 min ago
07. Felt stupid: not really i dont think
08. Wanted to tell someone you loved them, but didn't: i dont think so...im not sure though..thats a loaded question
09. Met someone new: no..but i gotta start doing that more
10. Moved on: i havent had any life experiences lately that i needed to move on from
11. Talk to an ex: not in the last 48 hours...i actually dont have that many ex's
12. Missed an ex: not in the past 48 hours...not for a real long time now actually
13. Talked to someone you have a crush on: hell yeah i got to talk to brian...as we rolled out of bed :)
14. Had a serious talk: nope
15. Missed someone: i miss lisa...and im starting to miss steve..i havent hung out with them in a while
16. Hugged someone: yeah...i hugged brian and then when i got home my moms boyfriend gave me a big hug and called me wasabi face...hes a little strange
17. Fought with your parents: not in the past 48 hours..not since she grabbed my ponytail and cut it
18. Dreamed about someone you can't be with: um...no..thats not really for me thanks

Social Life:
01. Best girl friend: lisa...i really have to hang out with her...and lisha cause we talk alot
02. Best guy friend: um...steve or brian...there boys that are my friends...that i talk to more then other boys
03. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: so what technically defines that term
04. If no, current dating partner: brian definatly takes up a majority of my time...
05. Hobbies:yoga, runnin in the woods, arts and crafts, studying, music, driving, drinking
06. Pager: isnt that a little outdated
07. Are you center of attention or the wallflower: wallflower definatly...im actually not a big fan of attention...i dont like it when people listen to me talk...unless im talking directly to them and such
08. What type automobile do you drive: a honda civic
09. What type automobile do you wish you drove: hmmm a bmw
10. Would you rather be with friends or on a date: i think id rather be hanging out on a date...ha hows that..im not good with real dates...i think ive only been on one real real date and it wasnt all that great...but goin on a pretend date with a friend is nice
11. Where is the best hangout: CRAIGS
12. Do you have a job: unfortunatly
13. Do you attend church: no im not of sound religous mind or something
14. Do you like being around people: depends on the people, but normally yes i enjoy the presence of others unless they make me feel uncomfortable
01. Have you known the longest: lisa wood!!!! since third grade baby
02. Do you argue the most with: my mom...i actually think shes the only person i ever bother to argue with ..her and my sister
03. Do you always get along with: lisa...i like how i can apoligize to her when im in a bitchy mood and its not her fault but shes there so it sucks..and shes pretty ok with it
04. Is the most trustworthy: heh...its funny how long i had to think about that...my sister
05. Makes you laugh the most: steve and lisa
06. Has been there through all the hard times: lisa and lisha
07. Has the coolest parents: my moms cool when shes not crazy
08. Has the coolest siblings: hmmm...wow...i think im the only one with siblings that my friends met
09. Is the most blunt: im blunt alot...lisa...oh my god no...steve
10. Is the smartest:brian

01. Who is your role model: my mom
02. What is some of your pet peeves: messes, time management, being lazy, being tired, i dont get annoyed much with the outside world...its more the things i do that annoy me
03. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with: im totally sure that i have but i have this rule that i try not to like people that i dont know like me back
04. Have you ever cried over the opposite sex: yeah...i think most people have...at least at this age most of us have had our hearts broken...or at least cracked a little
05. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: not really depends on the original person
06. Have you ever lied to your best friend(s): yeah but the truth always comes out later when im more comfortable with it
07. Ever wanted to get revenge on someone because they hurt you: there were time that i wanted too...fuckin bryan from media..i cant believe i still let that fuckin moron get to me
08. Would you rather be dumper or dumped: i think id rather get dumped cause i really really dont like hurting peoples feelings
09. Rather have a relationship or a "hookup": relationship...when i can find a good one
10. Want someone you don't have right now: not at all...im pretty satisfied
11. Ever liked your best guy/girl friend: yeah...there usually the ones that i do like
12. Do you want to get married: i think so...if i find the right person...but i will not get divorced
13. Do you want kids: i definatly want to be a mom...possibly more then i want to get married
14. Do you believe in psychics: not really...i try cause it makes me mom excited
15. Do you believe you know the person whom you will marry at this point in time: no
16. What is your favorite part of your physical appearance: nothing
17. What is your favorite part of your emotional being: im generally happy alot
18. Are you happy with you: theres some things i would change but not too much
19. Are you happy with your life: i think im more happy with my life then i am with me
20. If you could change something in your life right now, what would it be: that there were more hours in the day

yeah so its early and i cant decide on if i should go back to bed or get on with my day

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right here, right now [24 Sep 2003|03:20am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

im resolving to be a better studet...ive really not been putting as much effort into it as a should..its a combintion of things really but all this going out must stop...so far this week im doing good but its only tuesday, but i did have an offer and refused. why study fr 9hours and not remember much when i can do it abou 20 min a day and remember and be able to apply a very large chunk of it? i already made a study guide too and its only till december then i get a whole month to binge drink...i mean come on

imgoing to bed...i dont think stayin at worktill 230 makes me a better student though

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